Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the liver wants what the liver wants
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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