wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
