Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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