i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
