do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
