his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
