i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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