she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
