I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did I show you my penis last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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