idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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