just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
