Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
