I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
