I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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