Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize