He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
