All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
