Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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