just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
