That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
