so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
