Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
