can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
