tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Shame - the story of my life.
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