Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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