Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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