chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
