So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
