It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
