I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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