Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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