I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
there is glitter all over my balls
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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