All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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