I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
