I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
