is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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