Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
