i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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