apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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