ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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