Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
