I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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