btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
