Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
