rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize