it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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