drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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