Even water is tasting like jack daniels
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
