I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
