know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
