Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize