I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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