Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
