..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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