if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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