Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Terrible idea I love it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
