Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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