This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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