I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
