The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
