Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
