I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
