i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
