i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
