my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
