omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
