areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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