your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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