Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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