I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
