he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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