feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
