don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize